Children are naturally curious about the world around them, including the people they meet and the different ways they communicate. Sometimes, their questions come out bluntly or unexpectedly, leaving caregivers unsure of how to respond.
These moments can feel uncomfortable, especially when a question is asked within earshot of a child or family who communicates differently. But they can also be meaningful opportunities to teach understanding, respect, and connection.
As parents and caregivers, we don't need to have all the perfect words. We can help our children learn that communication looks different for everyone and that every person deserves to be heard, valued, and included.
Here are a few ways to talk with your speaking child about augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) and non- or inconsistently-speaking peers.
1. Explain That People Communicate in Different Ways
When children notice someone using a communication device, sign language, gestures, or pictures to communicate, they may naturally wonder why.
Start with a simple, matter-of-fact explanation:
“People communicate in lots of different ways. Some people use speech, some use signs or pictures, and some use a device to help them share their thoughts and ideas. Your friend uses this device to communicate.”
AAC stands for augmentative and alternative communication. It includes tools and strategies that support communication, such as picture boards, communication books, gestures, and speech-generating devices.
Some people use AAC alongside spoken language, while others use it instead of speech. There is no single way to use AAC, and each person's communication needs are unique.
You don't need to give your child a lengthy explanation. Simple, respectful language can help them begin to understand that speaking is just one way to communicate.
2. When Your Child Says, “He Doesn’t Talk…”
It can be difficult to know what to say when your child makes an observation that feels blunt or potentially hurtful.
Instead of shushing your child or making them feel ashamed for asking, use the moment to model respectful language.
You might say:
“He doesn't use speech the way you do. He has other ways to communicate. Let's give him a chance to answer.”
This response acknowledges what your child has noticed while introducing a more inclusive way to think about communication.
It's important to remember that being nonspeaking doesn't mean someone has nothing to say. A person's ability to speak does not determine their intelligence, understanding, personality, or ability to participate in a conversation.
We cannot know what someone understands simply by listening to how much they speak. Giving people time, respecting their communication, and remaining open to different ways of responding helps create more welcoming interactions.
3. Teach Boundaries Around Communication Devices
Communication devices can look a lot like the tablets children use to watch videos or play games. It's understandable that they may be curious about the buttons, pictures, and sounds.
Curiosity is okay! But children also need to learn that a communication device is a tool someone may rely on to express themselves.
You might explain:
“That is her communication device. She uses it to tell people what she's thinking and what she needs. We don't press the buttons or take it without her permission because she needs it to communicate.”
Just as we wouldn't take away someone's voice, we shouldn't take away or interfere with the tools they use to communicate.
It's also important to avoid treating another child's device as a toy or asking them to demonstrate it simply because we're curious. Communication devices are personal tools, and access and consent matter.
If your child is interested in learning more about AAC, consider exploring a separate communication board or device together. This allows them to learn about AAC without disrupting another person's ability to communicate.
4. Encourage Your Child to Talk Directly to Their Peer
Sometimes, children and adults unintentionally speak about a nonspeaking child instead of speaking to them.
For example, a child might ask a caregiver, “Can he play with us?” while the other child is standing right there.
These moments offer an opportunity to model inclusion.
You might respond:
“You can ask him! Let's give him time to answer.”
Encourage your child to say hello, share something interesting, ask if their peer wants to play, or invite them to join an activity.
For example:
“Hi! Do you want to build with us?”
“Look at how tall my tower is!”
“Do you want to play outside?”
“I like your dinosaur shirt!”
The goal isn't to force an interaction or expect a response. It's to help your child understand that a nonspeaking peer is someone they can talk to, play alongside, and get to know, just like anyone else.
5. Make Room for Different Kinds of Responses
Children who use AAC may respond through a speech-generating device, gestures, facial expressions, body movements, sounds, or other forms of communication.
Help your child understand that responses don't always look or sound the way they expect.
You might say:
“Your friend might answer using his device, a movement, a sound, or another way. Let's pay attention and give him time.”
As caregivers, we can model patience by allowing extra time for responses instead of repeating questions quickly or answering on someone else's behalf.
We should also avoid pressing buttons for another person, insisting that they use their device, or assuming we know what they mean without giving them an opportunity to communicate.
Not every response will be immediately obvious to us, and that's okay. We can remain curious, attentive, and respectful without making assumptions.
Remember, communication includes more than spoken words. Every person deserves the opportunity to communicate in the way that works best for them.
6. Focus on Connection, Not a Performance
It's natural for children to be curious about something unfamiliar. They may want to see how a communication device works or ask a peer to show them what the buttons do.
But a child who uses AAC doesn't need to demonstrate their device, answer questions, or explain how they communicate to earn a place in the group.
Connection doesn't require a conversation or a particular response.
Instead, encourage your child to find shared interests and opportunities for play.
Try simple invitations such as:
“Want to build a really tall tower with me?”
“I'm making a pretend pizza. Do you want some?”
“Come see what we're playing!”
Shared experiences, parallel play, and everyday moments can all create opportunities for connection. And just like any other child, a child who uses AAC can choose whether or not to respond, participate, or join an activity.
Our goal is to create opportunities for connection without putting pressure on either child to perform.
7. Keep Learning Beyond the Moment
Conversations about communication differences don't have to happen only when a question comes up in public.
You can help your child develop understanding over time by incorporating different forms of communication into everyday life.
Here are a few ideas:
Read inclusive books. Look for children's books featuring characters who use AAC, sign language, or other forms of communication.
Explore communication tools together. Try a separate communication board or learn how picture-based communication works.
Talk about differences naturally. Explain that people have different ways of moving, learning, communicating, and interacting with the world.
Model inclusive language. Let your child hear you speak directly to people who communicate differently and give them time to respond.
Answer questions without shame. If your child asks something unexpected, take a breath and offer a simple, respectful explanation.
It's also important to remember that a child who uses AAC doesn't have to become a teaching opportunity for everyone around them. We can seek out resources, books, and learning experiences that help our own children understand communication differences without placing that responsibility on another child.
Raising Children Who Make Room for Everyone
Our children don't need perfect words to begin building understanding. They need adults who model that different ways of communicating are welcome, worthy of attention, and deserving of respect.
When we respond to their questions with patience and honesty, we help them learn that differences aren't something to fear or avoid. They're simply part of being human.
We can teach our children to be curious without being intrusive, to offer connection without demanding a response, and to recognize that every person has thoughts, preferences, and ideas worth listening to.
At Growing Together: Speech-Language Therapy, we believe communication is about connection, autonomy, and participation. Everyone deserves access to communication—and people who take the time to listen. 💛
Want to learn more about communication, AAC, or supporting your child's development? Growing Together offers family-centered speech-language therapy, AAC consultation and support, and caregiver guidance to help families find strategies that work for their everyday lives.